I am spending my child support on dildos
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
