i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
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Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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