i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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