dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
