there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
