who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
