he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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