you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
