I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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