I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
