Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
