SEEEEXXX PLEASE
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
