Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could fuck to npr.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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