So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
