i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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