walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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