I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
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my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
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You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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