dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"