I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not