Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

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  (248): god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time http://tfl.nu/psyk
  Replies (10) Good night (1188) Bad night (650)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"

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  (601): i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?" http://tfl.nu/96xf
  Replies (133) Good night (1642) Bad night (4954)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.

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  (601): She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine. http://tfl.nu/p4hk
  Replies (21) Good night (538) Bad night (3489)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

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  (801): The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance http://tfl.nu/4nxj
  Replies (10) Good night (4470) Bad night (534)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A

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  (814): I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A http://tfl.nu/j0fk
  Replies (25) Good night (6435) Bad night (562)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.

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  (269): So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing. http://tfl.nu/disx
  Replies (22) Good night (2510) Bad night (6276)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.

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  (913): Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun. http://tfl.nu/h48x
  Replies (21) Good night (3859) Bad night (1128)
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  (347): View more from New York

  i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...

  (404): View more from Georgia

  sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules

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  (347): i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up... (404): sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules http://tfl.nu/ozdh
  Replies (3) Good night (2986) Bad night (1143)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.

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  (214): Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend. http://tfl.nu/ael4
  Replies (4) Good night (1876) Bad night (591)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.

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  (609): and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier. http://tfl.nu/u9m6
  Replies (15) Good night (3029) Bad night (943)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.

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  (817): You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres. http://tfl.nu/or4y
  Replies (3) Good night (1729) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange

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  (585): So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange http://tfl.nu/waj5
  Replies (5) Good night (450) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.

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  (775): I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box. http://tfl.nu/0vry
  Replies (2) Good night (239) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.

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  (978): Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story. http://tfl.nu/gzmk
  Replies (2) Good night (466) Bad night (229)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.

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  (440): all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers. http://tfl.nu/lyvi
  Replies (2) Good night (743) Bad night (213)

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