Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.