this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped