bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.