great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How naked do you want me to be?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
