What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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