i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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