its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
