I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
