Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
