Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
