You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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