It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
