I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
