yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Congratulations! We have a period
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
