his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
