ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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