Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
