is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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