Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize