i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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