The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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