I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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