is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
