He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
