we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
