420 ftw
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
