I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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