if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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