hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
