I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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