I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.