please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.