i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos