Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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