Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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