My first STD was from a foam party
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They took my balls.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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