i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
