trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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