literally had 100 drinks last night.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
