somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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