I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
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My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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