Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
