But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
