tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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