WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize