Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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