I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize